Airplanes flying low, smoke and fire everywhere, and destruction of the twins falling down. That was nine-eleven. It was the tragedy that shook the entire world and the time where many lives were lost trying to save the innocent.Tears fled from people’s eyes like a stream and hearts were slowly tearing apart as loved ones were getting torn apart from them. Grief and condolences were sent to the US and its people. And during that very sad time, Muslims were discriminated because about one percent of their population were the ones who attacked. Persecuted for doing something they didn’t do, something they didn’t have control of. Even being called horrible names like “terrorist”. Going to an American school and being the only Muslim in my grade, I felt like a social casualty. A lost puppy in a thunderstorm.
We used to talk about this event in class every year and my teacher would talk about the culprits that were the Muslim terrorists. And I would see the few peers who would turn around and look at me and only me. Their eyes would burn into the back of my head. I could basically hear their thoughts running through their minds. It was all her fault; she did this. Because they knew I was considered one of “them”. My head was racing with what I believed were their thoughts going into one ear and another. With my head spinning, it seemed as if I was sitting alone at my desk. Everyone else surrounding me with pitchforks and knives. Scrunching my fingers, making them into fists, I would look down, trying to keep sight away from everyone with my red nose down and my lips almost trembling. Although I didn’t do anything, I still felt insecure in who I was and felt that their point of views mattered.
About four or five years ago, Gurkhas were stationed at my school. They were there because we had received a threat from al-Qaida that we were targeted to be bombed. I would always go into school and glance at my blotchy bus window. There in front of the school behind the guard house, emotionless and frozen, stood the Nepali soldiers with their loaded AK-47 guns. With the sight of them, my heartbeat quickened. Sometimes I would slouch down in my seat and close my eyes, hoping they wouldn’t see me. The people that surrounded me in my bus would never say anything. But still, I felt targeted.
They had stayed there for a few years and decreased the amount of Gurkhas as time went by and left when we were given the all clear sign. I could slowly release the breaths that I didn't even know I was holding inside of me. Slowly my head cleared. But still, the only thoughts in my head at that time was if it really was my fault. With the Gurkhas coming to our school and being targeted, did I start this blazing wildfire?
And here, I wish to say not only have we grown and become older and wiser, but we have become one unified whole. We both as a unit realized the false perceptions. Through this incident, we forgave each other for our mistakes and learned to accept each other no matter what our differences. And we all knew it was just that small percentage who planned and took action. I even realized that those who struck weren’t considered one of us Muslims because all of us knew that no true child of God would have done something as cruel as that. Here we stand no matter what race we are, hand in hand.
Word Count: 609
Word Count: 609
I really liked how you write an Application Essay about something you feel strong about and really clarify what the religion Muslim is all about it self rather than what people think about it. You also did really well on showing, not telling. Good job.
ReplyDeleteSam I
I think your first two paragraphs are really good because I can really see an image in my head when you describe nine-elven, and how you describe what it felt like to have everyone stare at you when your teacher mentioned nine-elven. I can connect to when my mom told me the story of what my family did during nine-elven. I do have one question: Why did you decide to write about this topic? Overall, I really like your essay, and it makes me think about how it must have felt for being blamed for something you didn't do.
ReplyDeleteThanks Madeline! I chose this topic because I felt that this was one that most could relate to with being an outsider or a "target", but it was also one where if you go to the exact situation not all can really relate to it.
DeleteWhat a beautiful reflection that captures your spirit as a student -- always learning, always challenging yourself, and always seeing the big picture. Fantastic! I agree that the highlight of your essay is the topic: it is original and true to you and a pleasure to read. Every time anyone in America says something about 9/11, I take out a picture of my own daughter being raised here in Singapore by this diverse community -- I always carry a photo of her with her very first teacher’s aide, Ms. Jaimah. “This is not 9/11,” I say. So I’m glad you took on this idea. I also want to thank you for going above and beyond as a blogger and responding to questions/comments. Fabulous!
ReplyDeleteWhen you zoom in on what it was like to feel judged, you create such an image for your reader. It allows those who might judge or know people who have to know just how horrible it feels to be “guilty by association.” You did a lovely job discussing that experience, though painful, in the classroom as well as your thinking as you saw the men stationed at school.
You are ready now to get the imagery sorted out so it is even clearer. In your introduction, you have a big mix of imagery: airplanes, smoke, twin towers, tears streaming, hearts tearing, people being torn apart, a social casualty, and a puppy lost in a thunderstorm. Do you see how that is a lot to manage in an introduction? Another thing to work on is creating less of a sudden switch to reflection in your last paragraph. The reflection feels a bit forced and might benefit by connecting back to the actual interactions. It seems really neatly wrapped up and we aren’t privy to how you worked it out.
That said, you did a fabulous job with the topic and including a balance of narrative, reflection and imagery! Well done!